That Casanova smile,
Left me skeptical. The smell of pine on your shirt, Sending painful chills down every notch of my spine. The salty sea taste of your lips, Whispering for me to run while I still could. The eyes surrounding us peer into me. All of them shouting for me to stay, because “nothing was wrong.” Your twisted grip on my throat, It echoed the same message over and over. Telling me this was it, You were all I had. All my life I was willing to go through anything to fit in, even abuse. Just admitting this single truth causes a stinging burn to crawl up my nose and invade my eyes. My breath struggles through a closed throat choking back the regret. Ideas of lying and acting like it never happened are tempting but now I know the importance of being honest about abuse. It’s not my fault and it never will be. Three months into a mundane high school relationship I had only found my way into because it was easier than saying “I’m gay.” People were fawning over how cute the school’s newest straight couple was. We were told every day that people wanted to be like us and that they swore we’d last forever. My skin crawled and my stomach found its way to my throat. “God I hope this isn’t my forever.” “You only want the image we project not what’s hidden behind closed doors.” We were just simple kids who’d barely spent enough time as a “couple,” he had come to know my body all too well without my permission. We were nothing to envy. A good manipulator knows not to show any red flags until his victim has settled into his skin. He was a good manipulator, using familiar words and broken smiles to make me comfortable. After a while I was comfortable with the idea of settling in this lie, that this could be okay and I’d stay safe. But that was only an illusion. Eventually, he started using those familiar words to make me feel useless and to convince me that other people would never love me. He was the only one who was “generous” enough to show me worth and without him I was nothing. He invaded my body and the imprints of his touch will forever be burned into my skin. I will never forget the burning feeling in my throat trying to speak up for myself. Finally I found the truth in myself, I saw through the lies and torment. The chain he had around my mind snapped and I was freed. Now he has forgotten that a scorned woman’s bite stings like the crack of my whip. He forgot that a strong woman will never forgive. He forgot, but I will remind him. Remember, The way they hurt you. Remember, How easily you fell to pieces. Remember, How quickly he dimmed your fire. Remember, Those who feel they can’t escape. Remember, That you are not alone. Remember, You have the right to say no. Remember, That patience may be a virtue but sometimes it can be used as a weapon. Remember, That, regardless of what you were told, you are worthy. Remember, To light your fire again. Tonight will not be a cold one. Remember, I beg of you, Remember, To let yourself be happy after this. Sincerely, the girl who watched him steal your smile in the mirror.
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